Returning to You LIVE from Channel EV Studios...

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Oh, yes indeed, it's that time again! With another weekend imminent, it's time for another rollicking round of...

▶ ▷ ▶ GYM NEWS Θ THE MELTED PRYCE PROBLEM! • There's a heat wave in town, trainers, and it seems our favorite Ice-type Gym Leader is finding it some pretty slippery business! Reports indicate that Gym helpers have been slipping on wet floors left and right, thanks to all the melting ice! Our ace reporter in Mahogany Town caught up with Leader PRYCE for his thoughts on all this melting madness! "This sudden heat is ridiculous!" Leader PRYCE fumed. "Do you know how much ice I've had to stock the gym with lately? It keeps on melting! Everyone in Mahogany hasn't had an actual cube in their drinks for weeks! And these young fragile whippersnappers don't know how to walk on wet tiles...bah! I just hate the heated throes of spring!" It seems this Teacher of Winter's Harshness doesn't like it when the snowy season is over! Let's hope it cools in Mahogany soon so Leader PRYCE's Gym helpers can remain safe! Θ SKELETON IN THE CLOSET! MORTY'S SECRETS REVEALED! • Some ghosts from the past don't stay at rest forever, as Gym Leader MORTY learned firsthand this past week! In an anonymous tip from one of our most dignified and magnificent correspondents, we here at EV News recently learned that along with being a first-class Gym Leader, Leader MORTY is also a first-class proponent of Jazzercise! In the attached forty-second video, we were stunned to discover Leader MORTY shaking his groove thang with the best of them! "As you can see, two things haven't changed a bit since way back then — his moves or his terrible fashion sense!" the anonymous correspondent noted. When approached for comment, Leader MORTY offered no statement on the video, but simply snapped his fingers and had his GENGAR fetch an unlabeled brown envelope from his office! "The only comment I have is directed to your anonymous informant," Leader MORTY commented calmly, tapping the envelope against his hand as if for emphasis! "And that's this: I haven't forgotten that time in Fuchsia City. Have you?" How mysterious!

▶ ▷ ▶ CRIME NEWS Θ THUNDERSTRUCK! WEATHER PANIC IN PALLET TOWN! • Forget the heat wave; it was stormy weather over Pallet Town this past week! Boasting the creation of a weather-controlling device, one rabble-rousing Rocket harnessed the forces of nature to send a devastating ice storm over this quiet little town! Fortunately, no one was seriously injured in the unexpected blizzard, though some members of the population suffered minor contusions and other assorted types of superficial wounds from the severity of the weather. "It was terrible!" bemoaned one injured housewife. "I was just walking home and suddenly, a big chunk of ice hit me right in the face! I dropped my groceries everywhere and it took a couple of minutes to get the stinging sensation to go away!" Fortunately, local police responded quickly to the situation and reports of the damage rendered range from the moderate to the minimal. And good news for Pallet Townies: the culprit is now in custody, and Professor OAK has graciously offered to cover the costs of all repairs! What a guy! Θ PSA: DON'T BURN, BABY, BURN! • Following several disturbing reports indicating a rise in Pokemon mistreatment, Officer JENNY and the Kangaskhan Police have issued this announcement: "Knowing basic information about your Pokemon is a must for any trainer or breeder! Several aspects of a Pokemon — like nature, special ability, and type — are set from hatching; outside of the obvious exceptions like evolution and trading, they can't be changed by exterior means! If someone tells you that you can change your Pokemon's type by making external modifications to them, including but not limited to strapping on wings, covering them in peat moss, or buying them punching gloves, please do not believe them! This is a complete fabrication and may result in your Pokemon being more damaged than helped by the attempt. Please report any such offenders to us by dialing PKM-NLAW, and rest assured, we will follow through to protect any Pokemon in need. Thank you, and have a nice day!"

▶ ▷ ▶ WEATHER Θ FEELING HOT, HOT, HOT! • Your Channel EV Pokemon Weather Station — the first stop to weather the weather whatever the weather! — is recommending you break out the sunscreen and swim trunks, trainers! We're predicting temperatures on the rise from here on out, and it doesn't look like they'll be dropping anytime soon! Whew! Looks like summer's coming early this year! Θ A NOTE FROM MOM! • Hey! Did you know this weekend is Mother's Day? That's right, news fans, it's a Breeder's favorite holiday — the perfect time to show a little love and attention for all the proud mothers in your roster. And of course, let's not forget to show a little love for our very own MOM, as well! Here's what she had to say about the upcoming holiday! "Well, I know there's one thing every MOM loves, and that's breakfast in bed! For this Mother's Day, why not put all those recipes to good use and treat your MOM to a very special morning? Let's see, you could make...oh, buttermilk pancakes and fruit-smothered waffles, and cinnamon swirl toast with Orange Island marmalade, and milk and freshly-squeezed juice and three eggs, sunny-side up, and some of my favorite Strawberry Poppers for dessert! Yum, yum! I'm hungry already!"

▶ ▷ ▶ SWARM NEWS Θ DOWN BY THE BAYLEEF! • With temperatures heating up, our Pokemon Professors are reporting that, as is typical for this time of year, swarm activity is once again on the decline! But rest assured, eager trainers, you can count on Channel EV News to be working for you, and on the cutting edge of any swarm activity that does arise! But a little decreased swarm activity sure won't stop our Pokemon Professors from their research! We went to Professor OAK to hear a little bit about one of his personal favorite Pokemon to study! "Oh, it's always interesting to study a BAYLEEF when you get the chance!" Professor OAK explained. "For example, if you've ever been close enough to smell one, you might've noticed a spicy aroma in the air; that's because the leaves around their neck give off a scent that acts as a stimulant to restore health and make you energetic!" Θ AND SEEKING A SEAKING! • At our request, Professor OAK also reported in on what seems to be a trainer favorite among our watchers and listeners — the wild SEAKING! Looking a little befuddled, Professor OAK agreed to give us the scoop on this majestic lord of the sea! "You should be careful when asking trainers about SEAKING; they're prone to use words you can't air on television!" Professor OAK cautioned. "Uh, but where was I? Oh, yes, SEAKING! That horn on its head is quite useful, you know! During the autumn spawning season, a SEAKING male uses his horn to hollow out boulders in riverbeds so that he and his mate can hide eggs inside! So if you've ever seen a big rock in a river with an odd hole drilled in it, you might just be looking at a SEAKING's nest!"

▶ ▷ ▶ MISC. NEWS Θ SUN, SAND, AND SMOOTH SAILING! • With temperatures on the rise, now is the perfect time to get to the beach and catch some rays — the solar or the MANTINE variety! If you're Johto-bound, that means checking out Cherrygrove, Goldenrod, Olivine, or Cianwood City; on the Kanto side, you're looking at Pallet Town, Vermilion City, Fuchsia City, or of course, Cinnabar Island! We went to one of our most dependable correspondents, Sailor MUNE, for the scoop on great ways to spend a day by the sea shore! "Swimming and tanning are always two of the old standbys at the beach," Sailor MUNE confirmed, "But you'll see a lot of people fishing and Surfing too — probably because it's the best way to catch some of the rare aquatic Pokemon out there! Me, I like it best when I'm on my sailboat with my WINGULL; sometimes we sail the waves by moonlight, and other times we chart our course by daylight. Either way, it's always pretty all right!" Θ IT'S NO SECRET: EV NEWS SECRETS WEEK A ROUSING SUCCESS! • Wowzers! What an amazing turnout we received from our recent SECRETS WEEK here at EV News! With over fifty secrets shared, we're content to call the event a smashing success! Don't you feel so much better now that you've got that off your chest, secret-makers? And aren't you glad to get the scoop that someone's thinking about you, secret subjects? But don't worry if you missed our last submission deadline, trainers! Rest assured, you'll be seeing Secrets Week making a comeback again someday!

Codes borrowed and modified from pastries here!



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