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✭ BREAKING NEWS ✭

▶ ▷ ▶ THEFT ROCKS FOSSIL MUSEUM! Glad to have you with us, newsfans! It's Ace Reporter NORMA here, reporting in from the Pewter City Fossil Museum, which two days ago was rocked by a devastating theft! Could this be linked to the dig site theft that took place outside of Viridian City earlier this week? We're here on the scene looking for the latest scoop, and I've just been handed this statement from Assistant Museum Curator LISA: "We experienced a documented act of vandalism on the afternoon of August 2nd, but we can't say at this time if it's definitely connected to the theft of our museum's fossils," Assistant Museum Curator LISA reports! "A young male visitor on the premises began smashing the glass out of a few of the display cases, but he was quickly apprehended by our security teams and dealt with before he could do much more than that. It's possible that sometime during the commotion, the thieves snuck in and made off with the fossils. However, the police are still investigating, and of course we're checking into it internally as well. The Fossil Museum will be closed for one week while these investigations proceed. We have no further official comment at this time." But hey! Since breaking news doesn't just fall into your lap, we're going to go LIVE with Security Guard KATHY, who was present on the scene that afternoon! Let's see what she has to say: "What? The guy causing a commotion? Oh, grits and gravy, that kid. My ears are still ringing from all the — look, no, go over there and talk to CURTIS, he's the one who finally managed to get the guy under control. Heavens to betsy, man, what a day that was." ...Which means I guess we're going LIVE with Security Guard CURTIS! Here's what he has to report: "Arceus in a racecar, that [exempted] kid. Bloody [censored] [badwords], he must've been plumb off his [oh no] rocker! [Bleepedout]! Of all the [redacted] — I'm half [whoopsie] surprised the bleedin' glass didn't break from how loud he was screamin'! Slobbered all over my [G-rated] uniform, he did! Right miracle we didn't kill the [ladies present] bloke, what with all the tranquilizers we hit him with to get him to drop and all. Oh, uh, sorry, is it all right to be puttin' all that on the [deleted] telly?" The Kangaskhan Police are still on the lookout for the perpetrators involved with this horrible theft, so if you have any information about this crime, or any information that you believe could lead to the apprehension and arrest of the criminals, please call our anonymous tipline at 555-TIP-STER or contact any branch of the Kangaskhan Police directly! From Pewter City, I'm Ace Reporter NORMA, sending you bouncing back Johto-side to Goldenrod City, where we've got Ace Reporter DANIEL covering some breaking news of his own!

▶ ▷ ▶ CHAOS AT GOLDENROD CENTER! No time for small talk, newsfans! This is Ace Reporter DANIEL, and I'm here LIVE in Goldenrod City, where a tragedy has hit the Goldenrod Pokemon Center! Late last night, just hours before this broadcast, a band of thieves infiltrated the Pokemon Center and began to wreak havoc within! Witnesses to the break-in say that one intruder came in through the ventilation shafts and used Pokemon to begin attacking the visitors inside! Shortly afterward, he was joined by another intruder, who added an extra helping of firepower to the fray; together, they subdued everyone inside — but not before one brave citizen, Firebreather ADRIAN, was able to escape notice long enough to alert local authorities to the scene! "Why, of course, I'd just stopped in to give my HEATMOR a quick refresh before setting out to meet my mentor, the Blazing INFERNANDO, for our weekly training session — currently taking students, look us up in scenic Goldenrod City! — when out of nowhere, suddenly, the rattling and clanking and the ventilation grate came off! At first I thought it was just a prank, but then when he set about attacking the people, I slipped away unnoticed to call the police!" the man dressed like a clown explained. But that wasn't all! It seems that once the people were knocked out and the police were on their way, the culprits forcibly wrenched Leader BROCK's newly-arrived Fossil-Reviving Machine out of the wall and loaded it onto a waiting Pokemon to make their escape, blowing this ten-foot hole in the Pokemon Center wall to do so! "Never saw anything like it," Shopkeeper RANDY remarked, aghast. "Me and FURRET? No, sir, we've never seen anything like it." Thanks to eyewitness testimony and snapshots taken on the scene, the police have since positively identified the three culprits as the men pictured below! If you have any information that could lead to the capture and arrest of these men, please notify the Kangaskhan Police immediately, or call our anonymous tipline at 555-TIP-STER! As for the Pokemon Center, sources indicate that operations will continue despite the wreckage, but there is no telling when another fossil-reviving machine might arrive, and visitors will not be able to stay overnight until repairs have been completed! From Viridian City, I'm Ace Reporter DANIEL, and this has been YOUR EV News Double Trouble Breaking News Bulletin!

Codes borrowed and modified from pastries here!