Coming At You LIVE From Channel EV News!

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✭ BREAKING NEWS ✭

▶ ▷ ▶ DIGSITE THEFT HITS VIRIDIAN! Listen up, newsfans! Ace Reporter SARAH here, reporting in LIVE from just outside Viridian City, where a devastating theft has recently occurred! I'm sure we all remember the catastrophic weather events we experienced last December — storms so bad some people were calling it the end of the world! Well, we're still standing now, aren't we? For those who don't recall, the cause of the storms and weather patterns was eventually traced to the presence of three LEGENDARY GOLEMS, reportedly native to the Hoenn region, who arrived and ran amok for several days before mysteriously disappearing as abruptly as they came! But here's where it gets stranger — when the golems vanished, they left behind three sets of mysterious CIRCULAR PATTERNS in various areas across Johto and Kanto, and since then our crack scientists have been hard at work excavating the sites and trying to unlock those ancient secrets! We spoke with Scientist BRADLEY, the preliminary spokesman of the Viridian dig site's science team, to get the scoop on what unfolded the fateful night of the robbery. Here's what he had to say: "Oh, it was — it's awful, just awful, who could've done such a thing? We were so close! SO CLOSE! You can't just replace something like that! We could look for a hundred years and never find another — it was the find of a lifetime, do you understand? Of a lifetime! No, of TWO lifetimes! Oh, bother it all, this is just — no, I don't want to talk to you anymore! I don't want to talk to anyone! The fiends! FIENDS! Are they going to see this on the news? Good! You make sure everyone in the world knows what — FIENDS!!" Though specific accounts of what was stolen are being kept confidential at this time, the local guards maintaining perimeter security around the dig site report that the items stolen include "dunno, a bunch of old stuff?", "I think I saw a spoon or somethin' once", "you mean someone wanted all those jars of dirt?", and "oh, hey, what about that thing — never saw a team of grown men celebrate so hard over a bunch of broken pieces of...whatever it was." However, despite this tragedy that will render the dig site closed for the next two weeks, things are still moving forward! Scientist MARTA, having replaced Scientist BRADLEY as the dig site's spokesman, assured us that this theft was only a setback, and would not affect the excavation crews' operations on unearthing what she called, "the real find of the century", and concluded by saying that she feels the team is "very close" to unlocking the meaning behind the golems' ominous message: NEW WORLDS INHERIT NEW DREAMS. How mysterious! And good luck to you, Viridian crews; the hearts of all of us at EV News are with you! The Kangaskhan Police are still on the lookout for the perpetrators involved with this horrible theft, so if you have any information about this crime, or any information that you believe could lead to the apprehension and arrest of the criminals, please call our anonymous tipline at 555-TIP-STER or contact any branch of the Kangaskhan Police directly! From Viridian City, I'm Ace Reporter SARAH, and this has been YOUR EV News Breaking News Bulletin!

Codes borrowed and modified from pastries here!